Sunday, February 2, 2020

Comment Wall

This is my comment wall

Creepy child. (NA)
Author: Na. Source: Needpix

Here is a link to my storybook


  1. Andrew,

    I loved your take on the stories from the Ramayana. This was certainly something I have not seen before, and the horror theme provides a refreshing read compared to everything else we've covered thus far. I also enjoyed how you put them in a more modern setting. This is something I've seen a lot of people do and it has seemed to work quite well thus far. At the minimum it makes it much more easy to relate to, which can be difficult given the topics covered in the Ramayana. One thing I noticed is that you say you're setting the scene for three tales of horror, but it looks like there are only two. I may be missing something or maybe you just forgot to post it, just thought I would point that out. Regardless, I enjoyed your use of symbolism and dialogue, and it was a very interesting read.

    I look forward to reading the complete stories!

  2. Andrew, seeing you do horror stories immediately got my attention. Horror movies and stories have always been a favorite of mine, so I'll for sure be keeping up with your stories. I like the turn in a different direction that this takes from most of the other storybooks I've seen. Imagining rakshasas in the modern world is scary on it's own, then adding the bloody details is the cherry on top. Do you plan to keep the whole storybook following this main character? This sort of makes me think of a rakshasa fighting John Wick. The little details about what the symbols mean and which rakshasas they represent are a great way to go into more detail than other stories. Your introduction works well to set the stage, and I'm hoping you're able to go into a little more detail in the battles and scenes that you write in the future!

  3. Hi Andrew!
    I am so excited to read your storybook! I love murder mysteries and horror movies, but I never would have thought to do a theme like this for my storybook. The way you painted the picture in “The Summoning” was really remarkable. The attention to detail along with the dialogue really drew me into the story and the situation at hand. The fact that you included these demons and their symbols is really cool, and a great addition of the epics to your modern twist on the story. “The Journey Home” was a good way to wrap up the introduction. It provided the detail that the audience needed as to why his parents were so brutally murdered in the first place. The gift of the glasses that allows Mehul to see demons that other people are not able to see reminds me of an old 80’s movie “They Live”. If you haven’t seen it, check it out! It may give you more ideas for your stories involving the glasses. 😊

  4. Hi Andrew!
    Your story seems very interesting to me because I am a horror fanatic! I am interested in seeing what you are able to some up with for the rest of your story book. I do have a suggestion for the overall look of this project with the pictures you have chosen to put on. While I love them I just with I was able to see them! When you are on the intro page and the home page I felt myself trying to scroll up to see the tops of the pictures however, it was not there. I think this is an easy fix and would help your project look nicer to the viewers! Your intro really encaptured me and makes me want to get all the spokes from the horror stories you have to tell for us! Overall, I can not wait to see what you are able to create in your future writings!

  5. Andrew,
    All I can say is just WOW! Literally, you had me hooked on your story from beginning to end! I love that you incorporated such a spooky theme throughout your introduction, especially the part that you put, "three Tantric symbols painted in blood on the walls of the living room" and then you go on to describe each of the symbols and what they mean. A slight change that I might suggest is making your header/banner picture to where we are able to see the head and face of the creature! It is a simple fix and I think that it will allow any of the readers to be able to get a good idea.Further, I think that you should bring the image that you have at the bottom of the page and maybe place it in a place that the reader is able to look at, while reading your story. Altogether, good job!

  6. Hi Andrew! OMG, I am so intrigued by this!! Although I'm a big scaredy-cat and could never watch a horror movie by myself, I'm always super interested in horror stories and scary tales. I would first like to express what an impressive writer you are. You were able to draw me into the story right as the action started and I wanted to keep on reading because it got more and more interesting as it kept going. I think the way you have written your piece, with dialogue and plots twist is the biggest wow (and your Creativity!!). I can already tell it is going to be interesting following Mehul’s story as he seeks to avenge his family. I think a why I have for you would be why and how did you come up with this topic/idea? Was it something you have read previously that caught your attention or something you thought would be interesting to write on? Also, I am so curious where the mom is, you dropped that in there subtly! Also, why is the haunting happening only in Kailashahar or will it be happening in other places later in the story? The only suggestion I have would be to, like in many Indian Epics, including a love story between Saria and one of the boys. Then you can play on it and maybe one of them will die and how that affects the other relationships and seeking revenge! Just an idea.

  7. Hi, Andrew!

    Firstly, I love all things horror so your title is the reason I chose to read your story. For me, reading horror is so much better than watching it because your mind gets to interpret it as it wants to. Your introduction does a great job at drawing people in to continue reading your other stories, and everything is well written. The only thing is, I really like how you section out your stories, but since the bolded sections are the same size it kind of all runs together. Maybe you could make them separate sections with dividers? Your story has a lot of dialogue which is great, but I have trouble envisioning settings and such. Perhaps you could add more physical descriptions? As mentioned, your story is extremely well written already, but those are the few things I wanted to mention. Your story does a great job at building suspense, and I look forward to reading your next addition to it!

  8. Hey Andrew! I really enjoy the way that you are retelling these stories. I am a huge horror fan so this is something that I look forward to reading more of. I like how you were able to make it a modern murder mystery also. The introduction really grabs the readers attention very quickly which is a powerful tool in telling a great story. What you did with the demon by making him with human qualities is really great and reminds me of one of my favorite shows called Full Metal Alchemist. It really reminds me of the story that you are telling. One thing that I think you could fix is the images in the headers of your home and introduction pages. The viewer cannot see the tops of these images and it almost makes me feel like I'm missing out on something. I think this would be an easy fix that would improve your page. I look forward to reading more of this story!

  9. Hey Andrew!

    When I first came across your storybook, I skipped over it because I am not a fan of horror so I was afraid to read what you had wrote. But after reading one of your other stories for the class, I was enticed by your writing and wanted to read more. I'm so glad I did because your story was so fun to read!! I know in your introduction you had said that you had taken Laura’s class before and because of that, your writing has gotten better. No questions asked, I thought your story was very well told and you added a lot of details and imagery. The only critique that I had was that at times, your story seemed to move really fast at points that I thought should be emphasized. For example, Mehul’s reaction to the death of his parents or when Mehul told his best friend about his family’s secret. However, I explain that these stories aren’t that long so I understand why there might not be room to fit that in. No matter what, I can’t wait to read more!

  10. Andrew,

    This is one of the most creative stories I've read so far! This is a great start. There are a few things you can fix to make sure your story comes across the best it possibly can.
    1. You have this sentence- Mehul asked, “What do you think he meant by, ‘This is much bigger than you know." You didn't close the inner set of apostrophes. You definitely know your punctuation rules, so great job! Just make sure to close each set.
    2.You have a sentence or two where the sentence doesn't read well. For example- Sanjay said, “Whatever you want to ask go ahead. By the way it is a thirteen-hour trip just so you know.” A slight modification such as eliminating "by the way" would fix this sentence. You have another sentence or two that could be improved by simply reading through your writing.
    3.Though it isn't the main focus of your story, you could add more emotion to Mehul learning his family died. I think you have a single sentence to convey that fact, and you could certainly elaborate on his emotion to strengthen your story from the beginning.

    This is honestly one of my favorite projects I've seen so far. This is a GREAT start. Way to go!

  11. Hi Andrew! I like the theme you chose for your story book! The pictures were great too because they really set the tone for your storybook. They were terrifying and shocking, giving me Alvin Schwartz "Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark" vibes. I thought your story was great. I noticed a small typo in the word making "Mehul nodded and then he and Sanjay put on their glasses makaing sure that they made no noise as they checked in the huts for Bakasura", so just wanted to let you know! There are a few sentences where you need to add a comma too, but that's an easy fix! I loved the story. It felt like I was going on an adventure with your characters and you've set up a good foundation for the beginning of their story. I can't wait to see what you come up for your characters next!

  12. Hello Andrew,
    It is so intriguing to start with a crime and some mystery. I have not seen many other stories with fight scenes in them and you did a good job with it. You made it realistic (as much as a story with demons can be) by showing the friends as able to get hurt and making the fight not too easy for them. I do wonder if you thought about writing the scene where one of them gets thrown into the wall and maybe (luckily) only hurt a shoulder or something like that? That would create a sort of handicap for the next fight and the readers will wonder how they will get through it alive.
    I also really like how you have separated the story into smaller parts with their own title in bold. It's a great way to transition the story and separate the scenes. Did you consider making the titles a slightly larger font? If it's possible anyway (I don't think they should be too large).

  13. Andrew,

    I like your versions of theses stories and the use of horror puts a twist on these versions that is new and refreshing! I also think your banner image is very scary. Personally, I'm not a huge fan of scary things so your blog might not be one I'm revisiting often :). I also like how you split up your story into chapter like sections. This makes it easier to read as well as the chapter headings prime you into knowing what you are going to be reading about. I think one thing you could do is move your images up to the main body of the story or where they are mentioned in the story. For example, in your Bakasura story the image is at the very bottom and kind of small so it is almost like an after thought. Putting it where it is mentioned in the story might create a better setting for the reader to be in.

  14. Hey Andrew!

    I love your storybook so far! I really enjoyed how you used horror and mystery in your story right off the bat. I will say I was a bit apprehensive to even read your stories because I am a major chicken. Movies like the purge seem to be enough for me if that gives you any sort of perspective. Maybe you can link up with STephen King and work on something together someday hahah. Your story was engaging and truly frightening.

    Honestly I think your storybook is coming along really well and I am excited to keep up with you and it. Maybe just some grammar and punctuation things but besides that keep up the great work and enjoy the rest of your semester. Also stay healthy and safe!

  15. Hi Andrew!
    I really enjoyed your stories, even more than I expected! I am kind of a wimp and hate scary stories, but these were intriguing and read like many popular published mystery/horror books. I loved the intro that really set the tone for the rest of the stories, and built interest and suspense immediately. The backstories were skillfully crafted and tied the story together really smoothly from the start. One suggestion, in the first story you wrote “after what seemed like a while” and also clarified that it was 13 hours. I’d make that time span metaphor more dramatic; any span of time can be “a while,” but since you already have a time it needs to be more dramatic, like “what seemed like a year/a day/a lot longer than 13 hours”. And that love connection was really abrupt! The timing was definitely not ideal; might it be better to save it till the next story so it can be developed better? Great work!

  16. Hello Andrew,
    I really like the theme that you have going on with your blogs. There are plenty of people who love to hear some creepy stories! I find creepy stories to be a little more entertaining than an average story that is driven by romance. Those are a lot more common! In your introduction I really liked the flow of the story. It was a really nice piece to read, and I was completely interested the whole time I was reading! Quite clever for the parents to leave him with a "guide" and them knowing that their time would eventually come. The rest of your stories were very good as well. I just remember the introduction so much because the way the stories begin is so important and if you are able to grab attention with the introduction then you will be able to keep readers wanting more and looking forward to the rest!